Intimacy After Infidelity | Cut Contact, Rebuild Trust, Shed Shame, Avoid Divorce, Forgiveness for Adultery

🌊 Curious about the Encounter Retreat? Email me RETREAT and let’s chat! (PS- You get 6 months in the Rooted Community for free! 🤭)
Can I really be close to someone who doesn't know? Am I being fake by not telling her? Who actually needs to know, and who doesn't?
A client asked me this recently and I haven't stopped thinking about it. She said it feels like there's a huge part of her she's keeping hidden, and it's not a small part, it's the thing that changed everything. So how is she supposed to be genuinely close to anyone?
Today I answer that honestly, including the part of the answer that isn't comfortable.
We explore:
The difference between secrecy and privacy (one runs on shame, the other is a boundary you choose)
Who I told, who I didn't, who didn't know for years, and what those relationships actually felt like
The honest answer about whether a best friendship can survive intentional withholding
Why the standard isn't "tell everyone." It's "tell someone."
This week, name one relationship where you want more closeness, and one true thing you could share this week that isn't the whole story.
Let's Connect:
📞 Book your private Breakthrough Call: https://learn.kristinajoycoaching.com/breakthrough 
💌 Email: kristina@kristinajoycoaching.com 

🌊 Curious about the Encounter Retreat? Email me RETREAT and let’s chat! (PS- You get 6 months in the Rooted Community for free! 🤭)
Why don't I know who I am anymore? Why does the shame feel this specific? And what does it actually take to let go?
Today I'm joined by Lauren LaRusso, licensed psychotherapist, author of Beyond Infidelity, and someone who has walked through her own betrayal and sat with hundreds of clients in the aftermath of theirs. Her practice sees every side of this: betrayed spouses, unfaithful spouses, and affair partners.
And she said something in this conversation I haven't stopped thinking about: shame sounds identical on both sides of the story. We read one of her own journal entries from her worst season, and it's almost word for word what the women I coach say to me.
We explore:
The "looking glass self"- why most of us build identity on who we think others perceive us to be, and what happens when that mirror shatters
Control as the centerpiece of an active affair and my own moment of realizing I couldn't manage the outcome of my confession
What shame actually is, where it originates, and the step-by-step practice for releasing it
Why meditation and mindfulness aren't optional
The difference between needing someone and wanting them, and why finding your whole self comes first
Whether you're rebuilding your marriage or you're not, this conversation is about identity, control, and what's waiting on the other side.
Connect with Lauren:
📖 Beyond Infidelity: available everywhere books are sold
🌐 laurenlarusso.com
📲 https://www.instagram.com/laurenlarusso/ 
 
Let's Connect:
📞 Book your private Breakthrough Call: https://learn.kristinajoycoaching.com/breakthrough 
💌 Email: kristina@kristinajoycoaching.com 
Email me and tell me what landed. I read every single one and I write back.

🌊 Curious about the Encounter Retreat? Email me RETREAT and let’s chat! (PS- You get 6 months in the Rooted Community for free! 🤭)
Why can't I stick to anything? I'll finally get around to caring for myself once life slows down…
Back in the spring I was asked about whether I'd actually follow through on a plan I'd been sitting on for months. I answered honestly: probably not, but it'll be easier when my schedule opens up.
The response reframed everything: if a habit doesn't exist in constraint, it usually doesn't appear in freedom.
I didn't have a scheduling problem. I had a self-trust problem, wrapped in a very reasonable story about the calendar.
We explore:
Why more margin doesn't produce the habit, and what actually shows up instead
Pete Scazzero's Rule of Life and the trellis image that changed how I think about structure (From his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality)
My own rule and how genuinely small it was: two minutes of silence, one Psalm, one short walk, water and sleep
Why freedom with no limits isn't freedom
Start with who you want to be this year, and let the habits follow
Your one step: name one constraint this week that could create more freedom for you. Then email me and tell me what you picked.
Let's Connect:
📞 Book your private Breakthrough Call: https://learn.kristinajoycoaching.com/breakthrough 
💌 Email: kristina@kristinajoycoaching.com

🌊 Curious about the Encounter Retreat? Email me RETREAT and let’s chat! (PS- You get 6 months in the Rooted Community for free! 🤭)
Am I doing this right? How do I know if I'm actually healing? And what am I even working toward?
Most women in affair recovery are measuring themselves against a scoreboard they never agreed to. One where the only metric is whether the marriage survived. Today I want to hand you a different one.
I share exactly what I believed success looked like in my early healing (repair the marriage, make it better than ever, lead a ministry together), why that definition broke, and what I know now instead.
We explore:
Why a definition of success that requires another person's cooperation isn't a definition 
What "healed" actually means
The markers I look for in women who are genuinely healing
Where I stand on marriage and reconciliation
Reclamation vs. recovery
Why abundant life is the real scoreboard
Your one step: write down your definition of success in this season. Not what anyone else says. Yours. Then email it to me! I read every one and I write back.
And if you look at what you wrote and think "I don't know how to get there from here," that's exactly what a Breakthrough Call is for. Or email me RETREAT and let's talk about September. 🕊️
Let's Connect:
📞 Book your private Breakthrough Call: https://learn.kristinajoycoaching.com/breakthrough 
💌 Email: kristina@kristinajoycoaching.com

🌊 Curious about the Encounter Retreat? Email me RETREAT and let’s chat! (PS- You get 6 months in the Rooted Community for free! 🤭)
Why do I still miss him? I've done the work, I know what's true, so why can't I fully cut him off? What is wrong with me?
Nothing. There's a part of you doing exactly what she was built to do, and today I'm teaching you how to lead her instead of fighting her.
This episode is Internal Family Systems applied directly to the longing you can't seem to shake. I walk you through my own part, what she feels like, what she's actually afraid of, and the two-option lie that kept me stuck for years.
We explore:
Why there are no bad parts of you, including the one that wants to text him at 10pm
Three questions to ask your own part (pause the episode and answer them. This is where breakthroughs happen!)
What attunement means and why your parts need it more than they need correction
Compassionate leadership: why your protector part isn’t in control
What to actually do when the feeling is intense
Your one step: ask that part of you what do you actually need right now? Write down whatever comes. Don't edit it.
Email me and tell me what she said. I read every one and I write back personally! 🕊️
Let's Connect:
📞 Book your private Breakthrough Call: https://learn.kristinajoycoaching.com/breakthrough 
💌 Email: kristina@kristinajoycoaching.com 

🌊 Curious about the Encounter Retreat? Email me RETREAT and let’s chat! (PS- You get 6 months in the Rooted Community for free! 🤭)
Why am I still stuck after all this time? I've prayed about it, I've thought about it, I've analyzed it, so why hasn't anything changed?
Because you can't read the label from inside the jar.
Today I'm sharing three things that coaching has given me across my healing journey. Things I genuinely could not have given myself, no matter how much I journaled or prayed or thought it through.
We explore:
What self-awareness actually looks like in practice
How I discovered I'd been editing my prayers to a God who already knew the truth
Why healing requires a decision, and the difference I've seen between women who move and women who stay stuck in indecision
What coaches have done for me that I could not do alone: naming patterns, catching shame, separating lie from truth, praying out loud, and simply holding space
Your one step: email me and tell me one thing you're working on moving forward from. I read every single one, and I write back.
And if what you're moving forward from needs more than an email, book a Breakthrough Call, or email me the word RETREAT to talk about September. 🕊️
Let's Connect:
📞 Book your private Breakthrough Call: https://learn.kristinajoycoaching.com/breakthrough 
💌 Email: kristina@kristinajoycoaching.com 

🌊 Curious about the Encounter Retreat? Email me RETREAT and let’s chat! (PS- You get 6 months in the Rooted Community for free! 🤭)
Who actually goes on a retreat like this? Am I too far along, or not far enough? And what if I don't want to spend a weekend rehashing everything?
I've been having real conversations with women about the Encounter Retreat, and the women saying yes are not who I expected. They're at completely different points in their stories, and one of them might be you.
Today I'm describing four women who are coming, and answering the hesitations honestly.
We explore:
The woman who cut contact years ago and still doesn't have joy or freedom
The woman in the middle of it who needs an interruption, not more information
Why this is not an affair recovery retreat
The woman whose church, family, and friends genuinely can't hold her story
The woman who's past it and simply wants more of God
Honest answers on the money, the dates, and "I don't want to rehash everything"
The Encounter Retreat is September 25–27 in Panama City Beach, Florida. Ten women. A beach house. All-inclusive.
Email me the word RETREAT and let's talk. Spots are limited, plans are being made, and September is closer than it feels. 🕊️
Let's Connect:
📞 Book your private Breakthrough Call: https://learn.kristinajoycoaching.com/breakthrough 
💌 Email: kristina@kristinajoycoaching.com 

🌊 Curious about the Encounter Retreat? Email me RETREAT and let’s chat! (PS- You get 6 months in the Rooted Community for free! 🤭)
Why don't I recognize my own life anymore? Am I healing wrong? Why do I feel more lost now than I did in the middle of it?
There's a season of healing nobody warns you about, and it isn't the crisis. It's the after. The in-between. When you're not the woman you were, and you're not settled into who you're becoming yet.
Today I'm talking about the liminal space, what it is, why your nervous system hates it, and the specific internal parts that get loud when there's nothing left to manage.
I share the season after my own transformation when everything had been stripped away. I was just wife, mom, trying to heal well. I share what my coaches told me to do with that blank canvas that changed how I relate to God entirely.
We explore:
What "liminal" actually means and why the middle of any transition is the most disorienting part
Three parts that show up in the in-between: Little Miss Manager, the part afraid the new you won't hold up, and the shame part that wonders if you're in time out
Why the empty season is clearing, not punishment
What actually made the discomfort survivable: breathwork, agenda-free journaling, counseling, and staying
Your one step: name the woman you're becoming. Not who you were. Not who you're afraid you are. Healed her. Write down three things that are true about her.
Email me and tell me who she is! I personally read every single one, and I reply to each one as well. Let's build this relationship 🕊️
Let's Connect:
📞 Book your private Breakthrough Call: https://learn.kristinajoycoaching.com/breakthrough 
💌 Email: kristina@kristinajoycoaching.com

🌊 Curious about the Encounter Retreat? Email me RETREAT and let’s chat! (PS- You get 6 months in the Rooted Community for free! 🤭)
What actually happens at a healing retreat? Is it worth the money and the childcare and the travel? And how do I know if it's for me?
Today I'm answering all three questions honestly, and without a sales pitch.
I'm telling you about two retreats that changed my life. The 2022 retreat where everything came pouring out of me at a kitchen table before I'd even unpacked. And the 2024 retreat where a coach told us to sit on a beach for 22 minutes with no journal, no walking, no agenda, just being, and every single woman came back with something different from God.
Then I'm laying out exactly what I'm building this September, and being honest about who it's for and who it isn't.
We explore:
Why you don't have to be in crisis to belong in this room
The 22-minute beach practice and the revelations that came out of it, including "what if the treasure is me?"
The thing I can't explain away and how the Holy Spirit shows up in a room of women in ways nobody can schedule
What I envision for September: the hugs, the dining room table, the release, the encounter
Who this retreat is for and who it's not for
What I can actually promise you, anchored in Ephesians 3:19 and Ephesians 2:10
The Encounter Retreat is September 25–27 in Panama City Beach, Florida. A luxury beach house. Ten women. All-inclusive.
If something stirred while you listened, email me the word RETREAT. One word. I'll respond personally and we'll talk about whether September is your moment. 🕊️
Let's Connect:
📞 Book your private Breakthrough Call: https://learn.kristinajoycoaching.com/breakthrough 
💌 Email: kristina@kristinajoycoaching.com

🌊 Curious about the Encounter Retreat? Email me RETREAT and let’s chat! (PS- You get 6 months in the Rooted Community for free! 🤭)
Who am I to ask for what I want when my husband is the one who's hurting?
If that question has lived in you, this episode is your answer.
Today I'm joined by Beatriz Vargas, host of The Grace Fueled Wife podcast, certified marriage coach, and marriage and family therapist. Bea walked through her own season of a loveless, disconnected marriage, her husband left, and she watched God bring it all back as something she never thought possible. Now she coaches and counsels wives navigating the hardest seasons of their marriages.
We go deep on communication, worthiness, and what it actually looks like to have a voice in your marriage when you're the one who caused harm.
We explore:
Why affairs don't happen in a vacuum
The critical difference between forgiveness and reconciliation (and why mixing them up keeps couples stuck)
Why you are still worthy of having your needs met even after what happened
The I-statement shift that changed Bea's marriage and how to start using it
How to pray differently, from "God, change him" to something that actually moves things
What emotional safety is and why it's the foundation of every conversation that matters
Connect with Bea:
💙 Website: www.thegracefueledwife.com🎙 Podcast: The Grace Fueled Wife (plus hear Kristina's conversation with Bea!) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/e220-finding-intimacy-after-infidelity-w-kristina-joy/id1499138632?i=1000776264746
If today's conversation stirred something in you, email me! I'd love to hear what landed.
And if September is calling you, the Encounter Retreat is September 25–27 in Panama City Beach. Email me the word RETREAT and let's talk.
Let's Connect:
📞 Book your private Breakthrough Call: www.learn.kristinajoycoaching.com/breakthrough
💌 Email: kristina@kristinajoycoaching.com